Validation and Me

Recently, God had to break me of validation. I would say it was a new lesson, but in hindsight it was something God has been teaching me ever since leaving my last church. See, I grew up in a holy ghost filled, fire baptized, no pants, no make up kind of church. But, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that on the surface. The problem came in the details, over time we learned how to “earn” our place in Christ. This idea even showed it’s face in the church politics. The more you came to church, the more opportunities there were for you to serve in spaces others may not be able to serve in. Your natural gifts, spiritual gifts and talents were not main factors in your use, rather your family ties and your closeness to leadership. No one was interested in building you in your spiritual gifts, or even asking or recognizing them in you, rather everything was for the building of the church, or the leader. So if you are teaching a child in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6), I was taught to care less about myself, my relationship with God, how I add to the kingdom, and more about how I add to the church, the leader, my performance to “stay saved” and to keep showing up for service because that is the first step.

As a 29 year old, I found myself still reaching for validation from friends, family or even in spiritual leaders. I could tell because when I felt any of these people thought negatively of me or had something negative to say it would stick with me much longer than it should. You see, the thoughts of myself nor the thoughts of others toward me should outweigh what God thinks of me and who he created me to be. Even with loved ones, you have to make the choice to believe God over those talking in your ear. 1. Because God is not a man than he should lie (Numbers 23:19) and 2. Man is man that he would lie. Whether they believe it is the truth or not, does not really matter. If it is not what God said, it is a lie. And If it causes shame and fear, it’s from the enemy. Every day it becomes clearer how many people are used by the enemy to destroy and plant seeds of shame, fear and depression in others. They are just “speaking their mind”, some say, but truly if it is not edifying silence is a better option. But that’s not going to happen..so we have to take control in what we listen to and what we let leave an imprint on our lives. We have to be aware of our feelings, so that we can reset and realign our minds and hearts with the word of God.

Even now, I can already hear the retorts, “Everything isn’t a lie, some of it is true”. That may be the case and I believe that self-examination should always be at the forefront of everyone’s life. Natural healing and knowledge is required for spiritual alignment. But with self-examination, comes communication with God. “God, how do you see me?”, “God, are there areas where I am __?”, “God, can you lead me to good counsel, therapists and friends that can speak life into me and help me heal from my past”, “God, can you help me reveal the broken pieces of me.”, and “God where they may be broken. Please use me to be a light in their life if it is your will. Strengthen my mind with your word so I do not fall prey to the attacks of the enemy.” Pray for revelation from God, who brings no shame or fear. But one must also self-examine and wonder why their expression of their truth must always come to the shame and annihilation of someone else. Is that your intent? If not, you may be in agreement with a spirit that is expressing itself through you. You may be aiding the enemy in your attempts to be honest. Like a basketball player who keeps scoring on the opposing teams goal. You may have “Jesus” on the back of your jersey but you seem to keep aiding in the opposing teams agenda. Or you are just hyper opinionated which may be a trauma response from not being heard in your past.

Back to validation, in my life recently, validation has shifted from my family life or even friends, to ministry. I have yearned for spiritual leadership, spiritual mother/father as they say or even just mentorship. I see the blessing in it: An opportunity for swifter growth, someone to help you avoid obstacles that they faced, someone to encourage you when you feel like you have messed up beyond repair or when you just don’t know what to do. Life experience is the best teacher, but someone who has life experience is the second best. My grandmother passed in 2016, and she is the best version of this in my family. She was active in ministry and she was active in her relationship with God. She was humble, able to learn from anyone, but also wise to be able to teach. She was prophetic and spiritually experienced at a firsthand level. But since she passed, there was no one in my family that fit that mold.

God moved me away from the church I grew up in and the friendships that I made in those spaces and in college. So I felt alone. There was no one attached to me interested in doing that I wanted to do spiritually or who was in the same path that God led me. You may be wondering, did I pray? I did, but I felt there was no answer. After years, I decided to trust my thoughts and I reached out to my new church leadership for aid. I set meetings and I asked questions. More and more, God revealed just why he lead me to be in an isolation. I was truly only safe with him in that season. I had mentorship..God. But more importantly, I did not need validation from anyone but him. Who are any of us to validate the other, we can’t give ourselves breath and we didn’t give ourselves our own gifts, talents or opportunities. We are all the same, one opportunity away from helping someone else up.

Finally, I listened to God. I finally received that I am learning through several God given people. For 2 years God has been leading me to different people virtually to learn from. Where correction is needed, God has spoken to me or he has allowed me to learn through experience. But all the while, He has been right there. Remember when I said experience is the best teacher and the second best teacher is one with experience. God has the experience of the world, before the world and to the end of the world. Better than that, God knows each and every one of us. He knows where we will listen to his Word, he knows where we will listen to his whisper and he knows where we will need a little life experience. What is it about us that feels the need to hold our own lives in our hands when we can just trust him?

That’s a whole different post for a different day. The point is, trust him. The point is, the only validation you need is God. The point is, heal.